Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Whooping Cough

Guess what.... I have whooping cough.  This old school, should not exist, and horrible infection.  It's been almost 3 weeks!  I could not breath for a while and woke up 4 times a night gasping for air.  UGH!  NOT FUN!
   But today I woke up and realized I slept through the night and didn't wake up from coughing.  AMAZING!  Being sick like that makes me remember when I was really really ill.  When I had cancer and it broke me down to tears just to get up in the morning.  When I could barely walk to the bathroom without passing out.  When I thought I was celebrating my last birthday.   Being sick does that to makes me remember that hard time I went through.  Fighting for my life back then was even harder than infertility.  I never thought I would say that, because infertility feels like it's the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  However when I am sick again, I remember.....I could not have existed today because of cancer.  I am still here despite my infertility.  That's a big deal for me.  A big realization.
    When I started this blog I remembered the plea bargains I used to make with God and my family to let me live.  To let me survive cancer.  And I did!  Not because of plea bargaining, but because there is some purpose for me to still be here.  For a while I always thought my purpose was to give birth to a child and pass on my husband and my genes.  But it's not.  It's to adopt.  It's to be a loving wife, daughter, aunt, sister, friend, cousin, coworker, and one day mother.  I know we will have a family through adoption when it is the right time for us.  I will always have hope that one of my so called non existent eggs will be fertilized, but I will not let it rule my life anymore.  I have love to give others, and I need to share my love.  That's it.  So thanks nasty whooping cough for reminding me.  I needed that.  (although I could do without the lack of oxygen)


  1. Thank you for the prayers and stopping by my blog! I love your attitude. Wow...and with everything you have been through! You are an amazing woman!!!!

  2. I read your post out of a search for puffy eyes and whooping cough. It was like you wrote my story. I too am a survivor of ovarian cancer 14 years clear and free, however andenomyosis meant I had a hyster two years ago. I spent the last 5 years making sure my parents who had terminal illnesses were ok and now I have lost both my parents in the last two years my mother died only 3 months ago. WC hit me and it made me so unhappy and I began to feel like the universe was plotting against me.

    My mother always thought that was why I didnt have kids, so I could care for them. I have been hoping to get my life back and then WC came along.

    You reminded my that once I was just like you , same thoughts, same feelings. Just trying to make it through one more day. I wish you all the best of luck on your adoption journey.

    Thank You